Some days just showing up is a triumph. Showing up means being seen and sometimes being seen is damn scary. I've been in super creative mode recently, working on the book that will be released here in January and on offering more and streamlined ways to share yoga.
The ideas for what I'm creating have been with me for years - three to be exact. That whole time I've been pondering how to make these ideas real things I could offer to people to make their lives better. I started by offering in small settings and refining, getting feedback and adjusting. The step to offer them on a larger scale, like here, has always felt so close... and so far away.
The gap between where I've been and the world where these things exist is the fear of being seen: of not succeeding, or having a tech failure, or having what I do critiqued and judged. Of course it is only by doing, creating, offering and receiving the reactions of critique and judgment that one can evolve. I've known that all along. But the fear doesn't become less real through the knowledge.
The fear becomes face-able, friend-able little by little by showing up. And starting each day by showing up on the mat is the laboratory experiment I need to keep showing up for myself and students as a creative partner. I used to think that my own practice fed my teaching because through it I get ideas for teaching, but it's more subtle than that. My practice is the place I practice seeing myself so being seen becomes less scary. Little by little. Every day.